parallax, ultima Thule, ultramontane, a perte de vue, aphelion

Those are all synonyms of a word. A certain word. A word that describes how I feel. None of them actually mean the actual meaning I am meaning but they sound cool, look cool and create the illusion that I know stuff. Also... you wont know unless you look it up. Making you smarter. Yep that's right. I am that nice.

Can you keep a secret? I've not told a soul. Or a person. Or an animal for that matter. But I have told myself, several times in fact. Thinking, or out loud or written. I've told my self. My self keeps secrets good. Can you? I hope it was a yes because I can't hear you. Partly because I don't know who 'you' are and we are not in the same room (just in case you didn't know that.) Well we might be in the same room but not right now. Ha. I chuckle. Ok so assuming it was a yes, (i know what people say when you assume but it's okay. I promise. Keep reading. Unless you wanna stop. Then stop. Unless you wanna keep reading then keep reading. Or if you wanna pause and get a sandwhich, by all means stuff your face then push play and keep going. Unless your bored. Ok. Lunch pale would say i'm stalling. Hehe. Like a car. Cause they stall and it's annoying especially if you have to go somewhere.

So. Are you in suspence? Cause that was the point. Wanna know my secret? Ok here goes.

Don't judge and I'll give you a cookie. (not really. but it sounded good.)

So the feeling I am sorta describing with the words in the title is my secret. Hahaha!!! Don't you totally feel like some one stuck out their hand for you to shake and then pulled it back and said syke! ha. Ok ok. I will expound.

Here is the story of people in general because I am sure this is not uncommon. But it is still my story. There is a person (aka me and whomever.) who goes through life. At a certain point in life things get really good. Like golden good. Everything is happy. Sure there are bad days but life is comfortably enjoyable. Then slowly/quickly things change. Lots of changes all at once. All of sudden life is very different. Still good but uncomfortably different. Getting used to it is not a piece of cake. Its more like a piece of cactus. It's life but it must be eaten. (please do not go out and eat cactus. Be smart don't start.) All the people that were in the life before it changed are not. All the situations are different. Life has changed. I have changed. It's not bad. It can be good. But I don't feel the good. Right now it just is.

I'm fine with the change. I think in the long run I need it. But right now when all I focus is what's in front of my face it's like nails on a chalk board. (did you cringe just cause you read those words? I did just by writting them. I hate that sound.) The thing i have issues with the most is that the people are different. I wish I could have both sets of people. Not just one. They are both awesome. I miss the first set. so much. That's my secret.

Lame eh. Whatever.

Did you guess the word? The word that the 'title' described?

Well. Here is one more synonym that actually means it.

alienate.

Dear Everyone!!!

I have decided a decision.

I am going a mission! For sure!!! I am so excited for it and can't even stand that fact that I have so much to do before I can go! I really really wanna go already!!!

This is fantastic!!!!

Crazy Sweet Dream...that i had...while I slept.

Ok it was so cool and bizzare. However I've gotta say that it was really intricate and complicated. I'm giving the watered down version because I can't remember all of it. Another trippy thing is that it was like I was having two dreams at once. Which was way neato.

First dream:
So i'm in the Hotel/Giant building. I'm there for support for a friend of mine is is trying out for something or other. So the four people I am aware of in my dream is Chelsie and Jamie, Emily and I. We get there and Chelsie and Jamie are having a discussion about who is going to do better, I guess they are both going for the same thing or something. I wasn't really sure even in my dream. So we get up to the room and there are a whole bunch of other people there for 'auditions' I guess you could say. Jamie is upset...not sure why but she does this coolio thing where she has on this over coat but she takes it off in a 'i-mean-bussiness' sort of way. Which looked way cool. Then she has on this amazing blue dress and she goes out of the room to go talk to management or something or to try out or whatever she came there for and everyone is trying to stop her. Chelsie, Emily and i follow her out into the hall to absolute chaos. Oh and the jonas brothers were there too. Ok so hall full of chaos. So I'm following Jamie and it's set up so that there is a hole in the middle of the building and you can look down and see how many floors you are up and the center of the bottom floor. So We get out there and we see that the building is being blown up or somehting and there is a battle going on the building is in danger of colapsing and lots of smoke is billowing up from the bottom floor. So Jamie charges onto the elevator and I go after her cause I'm trying to keep her safe. I guess the elevator is speedy fast cause then we are on ground floor and I convince her to run out side and we end up running out side with the jonas brothers. We are outside and it's a thunder storm but everyone is trying to rush to saftey. I tell the Jonas brothers to take care of Jamie which they are fine with because she is very cute and attractive and such a cool person. So I start flipping out inside because my sister is in danger and so I start rushing back inside and as I'm doing that everyone knows lightning is going to strike where we are at soon and so they are all trying to get away. So In an attempt to get away from it and to save my sister...and chelsie I run towards the building I just came from and I get near this tree. The lightning strikes the tree and surges through the ground and hits me. I swear I actually felt it zapping. So I get knocked down and then jamie comes over and helps me up. then I start for the building again. Then I wake up.

The second dream I had was that I was in this same building with the same people but it was under different circumstances. I had my old english teacher Mrs. Rock.  But she was my boss or perspective boss. I was trying to get a job and she needed for me to write a story and my mind was blank and couldn't do it. But then I started watching Jamie and Chelsie and Emily and those around me (plus me) live our lives and I got great stories cause adventures started happening and the jonas brothers meshed themselves into one brother and he was way cool and was our good bud. But I don't remember all the adventures. I think the first dream may have been one and that is how they tied in. But that was my dreaming. It was cool.

Especially getting hit by lightning because I really did feel something as it happend.


I know the writing of the dream is not the bestest but there you go.

I have tasted fall.

Last night my dad made Banana-squash soup. It sounds interesting. It looks interesting. It looks like mellow-yellow baby food. But it tastes like fall. No joke. In one spoon full it has captured the very essence that is fall. Crunching on leaves. Taking a walk while it is a tad chilly. The smell in the evening. The beautiful sunrise over the mountain. The changing colors of the trees.

Yeah. I ate Fall. I feel accomplished.

I want to find winter, spring and summer to eat now too.

Oh and if you want to eat fall too...

1 1/2 cup peeled and diced hubbard squash (1 1/2 inch cubes)
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg (very important)
1 1/2 cup whole milk (or cream)
3 tablespoons honey
1 cup mashed ripe bananas

Bring 1 inch of water to boil in a steamer. Place squash in a steamer basket set over the boiling water and cover. Steam for 20 minutes. Transfer steamed squash to a bowl and mash. Add black pepper, nutmeg, milk, honey and bananas. Heat gently before serving. Add more skim milk for a thinner consistency.

Enjoy your edible Fall.